Author: Anne Owen

Samuel Merritt University

Lost In Translation

            How often have you felt as if you have not fully grasped an idea or concept when talking with someone else? How do you feel after these instances of misunderstandings? Uncertain? Uncomfortable? Unrest?  Many times, we slip away from conversations with questions left unanswered in order to prevent feeling unknowledgeable and/or uncomfortable.  Yet, how much better would we feel about ourselves if we walked away knowing exactly what the other person thought?

            Beginnings of relationships, in general, seem to be a confusing ordeal.  In the stages of getting to know one another, often times we guess as to how the other person feels about certain topics/situations and go with the flow.  For example, when someone unfamiliar we are talking to asks us to “grab some coffee”, what does this really mean?  Are they interested in me as a friend? Are they interested in me as a potential partner? Is this a date?  The simple act of having coffee becomes a mind battle within one’s self.  Why not figure it out during coffee, rather than making assumptions? Just ask and the battle from within will cease and be resolved.

            What do the following terms translate to you?

• We are “talking”
• We are “dating”
• We are “seeing each other”
• We are “going out”
• We are “hooking up”

While others translate these phrases into exclusivity, others may not.  In order to fully understand and be comfortable and safe with a situation, ask about the situation you are in. Start off by talking about what you are looking for at the moment.  For example, “I am looking to make new friends, or I am an exclusive person and looking for a relationship, what about you? What’s your story?”  Keep it simple, yet informative.  Be assertive, yet casual.  You have nothing to lose when getting to know others, their ideals and/or motives.

            Conversely, being unsure of terms that are used as labels for relationship can become troublesome.  If you do not know about the situation you are in when you are “dating” someone, you put your partner at an advantage by giving them power over the situation, and ultimately, power over you.  They may very well be “dating” other people, while you stay exclusive because of how you define dating, and this situation will eventually lead to heartache.  Empower yourself and learn about the situations you are in.  This may sound cheesy, but remember that knowledge is power, and having a mutual understanding about the situation will lead to a positive relationship and outcome.